This is just another night where I sit in the dark wishing for something more in life...except now I can think of spoiled celebrity daughter whores getting million dollar cars for random-ass gifts that they will probably lose while drinking, fucking, and driving....

Indeed it has been a while, because I was waiting for something positive to type out, but...well, life is a bitch. As usual, all I have is bitchery and complaints, even though tomorrow is Decemberween. Well, on with business, I suppose...
Starting on the lighter note, we now have two new bull-boxer puppies! Well, the first one is my brother's because he reeeaaally wanted it and promised to take care of it and now throws fits whenever he needs to actually take care of it. The second one is the first one's sister, taken from her home because the people who bought her were buttfucktards, and now we are taking care of her until she finds a new home. Not so bad, puppies, unless you take into account all the crapping, eating everything, peeing on everything, and getting yelled at when they dart out a freshly opened door. But, I get yelled at almost every time I open the door...Usually right when I do one of the dogs jumps through it or, in the case of the bigger dogs, they just stick their head in the way and I can not close it. Then I get the bitching for holding the door open too long, and somehow that is the reason the dog got in the way...makes no sense to me, but whatever. But I get bitched at for everything nowadays. My parents threatened to kick me out a few days ago because I did not hear my dad ask me to do watch the puppies as he closed a sliding-glass door, which of course, covered up the noise coming from his spew-hole. Oh well, they have been threatening to kick me out since Freshman year in high school. Well, when he threatened to kick me out this time, I woke up to hear him bitching about me for 3 hours. Most of that was lies and false assumptions, saying I "did not hear him" because I am a control freak and that whenever I do something fun I say I do that "instead of finding a job." First off, I never said I was going to look for a job but instead ended up chilling with homies, and second...I must elaborate on this little bit. A while ago I turned in an application to the local pizza joint, and they told me to go in for an interview at 2 pm. I went to the interview, but the interviewer could not show up due to weather issues. Afterward I went sledding with 2 homies, no big deal right? APPARENTLY I went sledding instead of getting a job and I should be kicked out to live on the streets for it. And I have tried getting a job, tried and tried again. I have walked a mile back and forth each day for weeks trying to get a job as a dishwasher or a bag boy. BUT there are no jobs for me. There are jobs, yes, but the people in charge of hiring tell me to come back when the are hiring in a month or two...then they hire someone else a week later. Ah well, either way I get bitched at and mocked for not having a job. The interesting part is that my brother and mom only have jobs because they were handed the work from friends. My mom had a job at a bank, also handed to her, which she lost because she was helping my drug-addict whore grandma in ways that contradicted bank protocol, and thus, got fired. Luckily, one of her friends handed her a new job at ACE after that. My brother has a job because he played paintball with the manager or something, I do not care to remember how. MY least favorite part is that when my drug-addict whore grandma moved here, my mom got her a job in a few days, which she blew off and quit, but my mom bitches at me for not finding a job. It would be nice if I were held in even regards as a drug-addict whore that tried to make my mom a prostitute when she was younger, but beggars can not be choosers.
I hate this. That is the most common thought that goes through my mind..."I hate this". I hate living with people who seem to hate me. I hate feeling useless because I can not get a job. I hate the fact that the only people who ever asked me if something was wrong moved away and disappeared. I hate that the only "friends" that are around to talk to aggravate me like hell. I hate getting bitched at whenever I do get out of the house and hang out with someone. I hate my dad bitching about my "friends" for being gay. I hate living with so many hypocrites and two-faced assholes. I hate getting bitched at for pointing out something that annoys me, for example, someone leaving raw egg innards all over the counter and dishes. I hate having an adopted brother and sister when my parents do not even care enough to help their own youngest child. I hate having to wake up every morning. I hate being unfit for military service because of my health. I hate hearing people bitching about the love of their life, who they dated for two fucking weeks, breaking up with them. I hate begging for help and attention and getting nothing when some retards I know get mountains of sympathy for saying they are bored. And...I hate myself...I just hate everything about myself, even my eyes which have been called beautiful so often, my subtle smile that won me many secret admirers, and every breath I take...
Beep.
System error.
End transmission.

Dude, I totally porn it up hardcore style, yo! Nah...I usually...wait for the internet to come up...then check Myspazz...then on to Youtube for free yet somehow legal music! Sometimes I go to Yahoo for emailing and messaging purposes or load up an MMORPG game for the playing...

Censorship is the only thing that offends me...but we can not let those dern young'ns get their hands on the Anarchist Cookbook...

...Forging monies...or treasure hunting!

Errr...Wha...?  Screw Let-us-all-get-fatter Day. 

 
I would saaayy..."The treasue is hidden in-"  And then I would die...or at least pretend to be dead until I finally die...or maybe I would just yell GAAAAOOOOO!  Like a dino!  :3  OR MAYBE I could sing the Barbie Girl song?  I do not know...so many fun things I could do...

So...Lately I have felt REALLY jaded...I have not felt like talking to people, no music sounds good to me, I only really get out of bed to do chores before I get to crawl back in, and I just do not really care about anything.  I have probably ranted like this before, but I think it is different this time...My heart has stopped hurting like it used to, but that is because my emotions are in more of a decrepit state than before.  Well...time for individual rants:

1)  It is almost the snowie season, which I hate.  The snow up here knocks out cables, makes it hard to get around, makes the nights miserable, and makes those sick around me.  Luckily, the children are already flu-ing it up and waking up at night to cry.  In any case, APPARENTLY winter is the only time Subway will hire me...and I will have to march through the snow and traffic for a mile just to get there, which probably will not help keep me healthy...and I doubt they would want me sneezing and sniffling behind the counter.

2)  That one girl what I had that there crush on dumped her old boyfriend...and got a new one in just a week or two...and I found out when I was invited to her birthday party.  I was told more people would be there, but no.  It was just Ryken, her new boyfriend, Ashleigh, herself, and I there.  He seemed to be a bit of a show-off and a mite self-centered, but otherwise a fine enough person.  I guess people expected me to care though, but I just stopped caring.  If she can go through boyfriends that fast and keep spouting the "L" word, then I have no chance.  I never did anyway...oh well.  At least I had the common sense to tell her "No, you do not" whenever she used the "L" word on me...She always meant it in just a friendly way, but I still think people like her waste the word.

3)  I have been playing Perfect World International...a fun enough game, but I am getting frustrated because I need a lot of virtual monies in it to upgrade my equipment right now so I can actually do anything...and all my current quests are boss fights...which I am having trouble getting help for.  Then...all the people I talk to are leaving the faction...usually without telling anyone why.  I know this is not important at all...but...I am always being friendly to people on there and typing smilies, but none of them seem to care.  Not long ago when someone left, everyone else was being immature and mocking them.  Bleh...people nowadays.  I knew why they left though...

4)  With the winter season comes cold, which means the dogs must stay inside a lot so as to keep warm.  THAT means that our kittie has to stay locked up so she does not get herself eaten.  Lucky me, I have to deal with her mewing and crying whilst she is locked up.  Sometimes I look at and think about...how much easier and more merciful it would be to just snap her neck and through her to the raccoons to eat.

5)  Back, a few years ago, before my eldest brother decided to fuck a retarded bitch and create his retard spawn, we used to drive to Sonora every other weekend to pick up a truck-load of groceries so we could munch on fruit snacks and various juices until the next trip.  Nowadays though, we get the truckload of groceries ever third month if we are lucky.  It started because a lot of money went into the retard spawn, which caused the initial set-backs...but then my mom got fire from her bank job because she was mis-using her banker powers to help her mom (Who is a drug-addict, whore, manipulator bitch who never listens to anybody AND steals prescription drugs from people)...but now my mom has a new job...at Ace...

6)  My mom decided to go to college online...and seeing as how I am the only person in the house who was ever good at math, she asks me to help her all the time.  Of course, she lets all the assignments pile up then asks me to help, meanwhile stressing out over the two-hour away deadline...which transfers to me when she expects me to help her with every problem along the way.  Mostly, I stopped taking math classes halfway through high school...because I was tired of it.  Also...she just does not understand anything!  I must have explained variables to her at  least a dozen times, but she still tries to add 17 and 5x into 22!  She also randomly decides to drop important parts of equations all the time and forgets to subtract INSTEAD OF multiply.  It just...frustrates the fuck out of me...or rather, it would...if not for my emotionless state.

7)  Sometimes I think back on my life so far and I never have any memories that make me smile.  Sometimes I get lost in memories and only come back to reality after I whisper "Kill me" to myself.  Luckily nobody else hears it so I do not have to deal with their nagging.  I just want to go back and start over, make memories, and be YOUNG again.  I know I am still a larva to society's eyes, but I feel older.  I feel like an old man about to die, looking back and unable to see anything to give him that one last smile.  I want to be the type of person who can entertain his grandchildren with stories of his youth for hours on-end...but neither of those will ever happen.  I lack the ability to love, thus I shall never breed, and I lack the stories to share. 

8)  I try not to complain because I feel my problems are petty and minute, but they seem to build up within me either way.  I just want to sleep...and never wake up...

I would buy myself a fuggin' job.  :\

An adaptor that melds my wireless internet with my brainwaves so I can surf the web with my eyes closed...and type faster...and hopefully I wouldn't disconnect as much as I do now, even though that is a problem with my modem.  I'm pretty sure my mind would be relatively impervious to computer viruses, too.  =3

Yum...I made myself a mocha today...out of mystery coffee, some chocolate fudge, milk, and sugar...and some ice cubes that melted with all-encompassing gusto.  Left a nice little layer of ex-frozen goodness on the top that I had to mix in with the rest, then I stuck it in the freezer.  I wasn't thinking about it until my dad looked in the freezer and was all like "The hell?"...at which point I FLEW down the stairs to grab it and abscond away.  I think he's still congustified (confused, disgusted, and terrified...I stole it from a cool web comic of interesting...ness).  Anywho, the mocha is old news now and will be until my bladder next makes its move.  In largely more important news, my life is still stagnant.  I tried getting a job, failed, now I'm a potato.  I do a lot of the chores around the house, but I still feel useless.  I was going to move to Sacramento with a couple homies so we could rent an apartment together, but one of 'em, dubbed Turtle, started going out with a stoner, become an irresponsible whorelet, bailed on us, and the whole plan kaput'ed.  I bet she's pregnant by now...ah well.  The other homie involved, dubbed Zebra, moved in with her boyfriend in Sacramento at my advising and she hates it from what she's told me.  -.-  In a moment of back-tracking, I wanted to get a radio job or something down in Sac-city, if I could.  That would have been awesome.  =3  Ummm...I know this was one of those "Why would I care?" kinda posts, but I'm feeling rather social today, and people to chat it up with are in scarce supply.  *Scampers off to eat a raw potato*

I haven't been saying much recently...because I'm not allowed to have an opinion anymore.  I'm an adult living with his parents, even though I've only been an adult for a month.  Anywho, today my kittie brought a little bird into the house kicking and screaming so my mother started screaming at me to get rid of it...but what was I supposed to do?  Kittie was in hunting mode, and thus would dart around like a crack whore, and the bird was wounded, scared, and flailing about madly.  I didn't do anything because I assessed the situation and dubbed my orders unsuitable to the situation.  In any case, I got yelled at and father practically threatened to kick me out of the house for having an attitude like Jason's...Oh well, if I got kicked out I'd just go to Canadia and become a construction worker and hopefully got my legs chopped off and live in a wheelchair at the mercy of someone I don't even know.  (In the end, mother went after the bird and it turned out how I thought it would...Birdie is hiding under mother's bed right now...)

Anna Nalick, BrokenCyde, SR 71, Cradle of Filth, Birthday Massacre, Jack Off Jill, Dope, Mindless Self Indulgence, The Union Underground, Imogen Heap, Jenny Room, Leetstreet Boys, Anna Inspi Nana, and Thousand Foot Crutch...

Independence Day!  What the shit!  >.<  Today, I went to a parade...and they were handing little miniature flags...made in fuggin' CHINA!  Now, I don't really love America, but...what the fuck!?  We celebrate Independence Day with little flags made in China...Does that mean, like, china owns us?  Anywho, I view it as just us being too worthless to make our own flags and having plenty of jobs to go around...granted we weren't such cheap bastards and could keep them in the country.  That's why our economy is dying!  =D  Greedy bastards have to pay little kids in China less than they have to pay people here, so we can go fuck ourselves!  Ugh...I am just...hiting on this piece of shit country I live in...that's supposed to be the "land of the free."  Apparently, according to my brother, it was illegal for us to set off sparklers today, in the middle of a pile of dust.  Aren't those things part of tradition and such?  And it was safe anyway, as we were...in the middle of a pile of dust.  My eyelashes were the most flammable things around!   -.-  Sigh...anywho...I hate this world, 'nough said.  What's new...ummm...Oh yeah!  =D  I did some soul-searching and realized...I am not meant for this "love" thing, so I should stop even thinking of trying.  Since then, I have been having a lot less chest pains.  Either way I'm an emotional wreck...I'm still a recluse as always, but now I'm feeling...violent.  I want to break someone.  I want to let out my 18 years of pent-up rage on someone and just see what happens.  o-o  Errr...My laptop battery is dying, so I'll leave this incoherent rant at that.

I would be a fuggin' ninja waaayy back in the days of shogunate Japan!  =D 

The blood and flesh of my adversaries!  =D  If it's my last meal I'll probably die soon, yay, so I won't have to worry about the AIDS and such that those filthy humans tend to carry.

I are graduated from m'high school now.  o.O   AND I don't know where me mum put my diploma, yay.  I've been kinda busy for the past few days (Sorry internet world), so I haven't really been talking to that many people...but even when I do...people like Turtle don't even talk back at all.  D:  If I'm going to be living with her gross arse, she should at least return a "hello"...  -.-  Anywho...yeah.  Being out of high shool doesn't feel different at all.  I remember crying myself to sleep all summer after first grade, but now I'm not going to see a lot of my friends for months, years, or ever again...and yet, it doesn't phase me one bit.  After graduation, Mini-Sis was crying her eyes out, and the girl I "love," Zebra, spent the night with her bofriend while I went to Sober Grad Night with a few homies...and I just stopped caring about them.  Usually I would be extremely depressed about Mini-Sis being sad and the other spending the night with her boyfriend.  o_o  Maybe I'm just losing it...Ah well, yay for the shitty future I know I will have sharing an apartment with Turtle and Zebra?

I dunno...I have some crappy cable thing that does the phone, internet, and tele...and it cuts out all the time!  >.<  I hate you, Comcast!

There's something magical about the person you love using your lap as a pillow, even if they only look at you as a friend.  Just though I'd say that...but in related news, I have high spirits and such right now.  =]

I would gain the love I do so desire!  D:  I don't really have anything else I need, and just that little bit would make me happy...which is quite rare as it is.  o.O